Love

Leaving toxic people behind

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I was asked recently about toxic people and if we should keep forgiving them, the whole 70×7 and turn the other cheek stuff. To be honest, those two passages have been used to justify a lot of abuse and unacceptable behaviour, and we have to rewrite those scripts.

Toxic people are draining and inconsiderate, and if they are full blown narcissists, calculated destruction of your psyche is involved. There is a level of contempt there that should not be accepted today, and I do not believe was acceptable to Jesus at all.

Over the centuries the story of turn the other cheek has been used as a way to force mostly vulnerable people to accept poor treatment. Jesus asked us to, so therefore we cannot challenge it, is how that usually goes. But that is completely out of context. The real point of that story was to stand up to power. In the culture of Jesus’ day it was common for masters to slap slaves or servants, or even members of their own family, in public. There was a ritual about it. It had to be a backhand on one cheek, just once. The person receiving the slap was to be humiliated in public, and the power dynamic was maintained. By offer the other cheek, it was an act of rebellion. The shame shifted from the person receiving the blow to the person giving it.

This was never a story about accepting continued abuse.

When Jesus talked about love and forgiveness, he was not talking about forgetting. In fact that whole ‘forgive and forget’ was Shakespeare, not the Bible. The most common verb in the Hebrew Scriptures is “To Remember”. Forgetting was never part of the deal.

We can forgive, and we should for our own sake, but there is no call on us to forget. We can love, and we should, but the love is Agape – the love of our neighbours, community. There is no expectation in that word that we will allow mistreatment. We can love the world without being friends with people who hurt us. Like, love, tolerance and acceptance are all separate concepts and practices. They are choices, and we can choose to say no. That does not stop us from wanting good things for them, it just means we do not have to be part of that process or relationship.

So toxic people? Love them if that is what you feel, and then walk away. The Biblical expectation of that is far greater than any acceptance of continued mistreatment. We were never commissioned to be victims.

Sunday Reflection – Easter V, May 18, 2025

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Love is love is love

John 13 31 After Judas had gone, Jesus said:

Now the Son of Man will be given glory, and he will bring glory to God. 32 Then, after God is given glory because of him, God will bring glory to him, and God will do it very soon.

33  My children, I will be with you for only a little while longer. Then you will look for me, but you won’t find me. I tell you just as I told the people, “You cannot go where I am going.” 34  But I am giving you a new command. You must love each other, just as I have loved you. 35 If you love each other, everyone will know that you are my disciples.

Kids Korner: Love… that’s all (May 18th)

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Read John 13:31-35 with your family.

Jesus talked a lot about love. When we think about love it is usually love for our family and romantic love, but in Jesus’ world, there were a lot of different words for love.

In Greek, the language of the Christian Scriptures, there were seven different words for love. So when Jesus was talking about love, he had a lot of words to choose that all meant different things.

The word Jesus used for love in this story was “agape” (a-gap-ah), that meant love for all the people in the world. It meant he wanted them to have a good life with everything they needed like food, water, and a safe place to live. You do not need to know everyone in the world to feel this kind of love.

This is what Jesus told us to do, to love as agape. And love is an action word, so this kind of love means doing all the things to make it possible for everyone to have a good life.

Sunday Reflection – November 10, 2024

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Do not boast, live your faith quietly

Mark 12 38 As Jesus was teaching, he said:

Guard against the teachers of the Law of Moses! They love to walk around in long robes and be greeted in the market. 39 They like the front seats in the synagogues and the best seats at banquets. 40 But they cheat widows out of their homes and pray long prayers just to show off. They will be punished most of all.

41 Jesus was sitting in the temple near the offering box and watching people put in their gifts. He noticed that many rich people were giving a lot of money. 42 Finally, a poor widow came up and put in two coins worth only a few pennies. 43 Jesus told his disciples to gather around him. Then he said:

I tell you that this poor widow has put in more than all the others. 44 Everyone else gave what they didn’t need. But she is very poor and gave everything she had. Now she doesn’t have a cent to live on.

Kids Korner: Bragging is not God’s way (November 10th)

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Read Mark 12:38-44 with your family.

If you talk to people outside of church these days, most of them think being Christian is not a good idea, or even that we hate other people. Some of the reason others think that is because all they see on the news is people making a big show of praying in public, and saying they talk for God and know who God hates.

First, God does not hate anyone. God is only love.

Secondly, this story from Mark shows us that Jesus encountered these people too, those who talk about their relationship with God in order to impress others. Jesus told his followers that was not the way to behave. He knew that those boasting about their faith probably did not have real faith, they just liked the power that claim of faith gave them.

Jesus told us to love God quietly, that our actions should show what we believe, not our words.

Jesus also showed us to be suspicious of anyone who tried to attention-seek through praying loudly or big demonstrations of belief in God.

We have to remember what Jesus taught us, and pray quietly while we try to love the world through our behaviour.

Sunday Reflection – November 3, 2024

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Greatest Commandments

Mark 12 28  One of the teachers of the Law of Moses came up while Jesus and the Sadducees were arguing. When he heard Jesus give a good answer, he asked him, “What is the most important commandment?”

29  Jesus answered, “The most important one says: ‘People of Israel, you have only one Lord and God. 30 You must love him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.’ 31  The second most important commandment says: ‘Love others as much as you love yourself.’ No other commandment is more important than these.”

32  The man replied, “Teacher, you are certainly right to say there is only one God. 33  It is also true that we must love God with all our heart, mind, and strength, and that we must love others as much as we love ourselves. These commandments are more important than all the sacrifices and offerings that we could possibly make.”

34 When Jesus saw that the man had given a sensible answer, he told him, “You are not far from God’s kingdom.” After this, no one dared ask Jesus any more questions.

Kids Korner: Loving our neighbour (November 3rd)

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Read Mark 12:28-34 with your family.

Jesus was asked a lot of questions, but the only questions he answered were from people who truly wanted to know what Jesus was teaching about God’s world.

When asked about the greatest commandments, Jesus replied by quoting two verses found in the Hebrew Scriptures (or Old Testament). First was loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. This is found in Deuteronomy 6:4-6, and for our Jewish siblings, this is called the “Shema”, something they say every morning when they get up and at night when they go to bed.

The second was to love our neighbour as ourselves, which is found in Leviticus 19:18.

Most people don’t realize Jesus is saying three things, not just two. Love God is plain, love our neighbours makes sense, but Jesus is also saying that we much love ourselves.

How will be ever be able to love other people if we don’t love ourselves first?

God wants us to feel good about our choices and our talents, and wants us to respect and like ourselves. In a world that is constantly telling everyone from children to seniors that we are not good enough, it is a radical idea to realize we are enough and worthy of the love of God and our neighbours, but also ourselves.

Sunday Reflection – May 12, 2024

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From 2022

Saying goodbye

Luke 24 44 Jesus said to them, “While I was still with you, I told you that everything written about me in the Law of Moses, the Books of the Prophets, and in the Psalms had to happen.”

45 Then he helped them understand the Scriptures. 46 He told them:

The Scriptures say that the Messiah must suffer, then three days later he will rise from death. 47 They also say that all people of every nation must be told in my name to turn to God, in order to be forgiven. So beginning in Jerusalem, 48 you must tell everything that has happened. 49  I will send you the one my Father has promised, but you must stay in the city until you are given power from heaven.

50  Jesus led his disciples out to Bethany, where he raised his hands and blessed them. 51 As he was doing this, he left and was taken up to heaven. 52 After his disciples had worshiped him, they returned to Jerusalem and were very happy. 53 They spent their time in the temple, praising God.

Sunday Reflection – May 5, 2024

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Originally recorded 2021

Love on another

John 15 9 I have loved you, just as my Father has loved me. So remain faithful to my love for you. 10 If you obey me, I will keep loving you, just as my Father keeps loving me, because I have obeyed him.

11 I have told you this to make you as completely happy as I am. 12  Now I tell you to love each other, as I have loved you. 13 The greatest way to show love for friends is to die for them. 14 And you are my friends, if you obey me. 15 Servants don’t know what their master is doing, and so I don’t speak to you as my servants. I speak to you as my friends, and I have told you everything my Father has told me.

16 You did not choose me. I chose you and sent you out to produce fruit, the kind of fruit that will last. Then my Father will give you whatever you ask for in my name. 17 So I command you to love each other.

Kids Korner: Love, that’s it, that’s all (May 5th)

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Read John 15:9-17 with your family.

It is easy to think of church as a building where we pray and sing, and probably get bored. But when Jesus and his followers were travelling around Galilee and Judea, there were no church buildings or regular worship plans that induced singing and prayers and sermons like we have today.

Jesus taught them that worship meant respecting and loving God, that’s it. Their job, like our job today, was to show people that God loved them and what love looked like.

Love can be words telling someone else how special they are and how glad you are that they are there.

Love can be actions like feeding people, giving them clothing and making sure they have a safe place to sleep at night.

Love can be feelings, thinking good thoughts and sending happiness to anyone you meet.

All of that is living our faith. Jesus told us to love because God first loved us.

The church is the people, and love is how we treat each other.